My Heart's Song

My heart is bursting forth with so much.  Today was challenging and I obviously am not perfect but I feel accomplished and overly joyful today.  Things were really not that different than any other day.  However my attitude was completely different.  I did not raise my voice or yell no matter how frustrated or upset I was.

I played a game with Andrew, well two games and he did great.  He won the first one and even though he wasn't happy about me winning the second one instead of getting upset he laughed after losing.  This is a huge accomplishment for him.  However I have completely tried to change my attitude and be more demure and very different from how I have always acted.  I want to be very different from who I have been and I feel that I am putting in the dedication and hard work that it is going to take to get there.

I realized today just how lucky I am to have the perfect husband for me.  I love Shane with all of my heart and my new goal is to focus strongly on being a good wife to him and a good mother to our four kids.  I am trying to stay calm, quiet, and do all of the things that I have not tried in the past.

There are some other realizations that I have had.  I realized today that I would have chosen to be completely different in life if I had known how amazing it would be to fall in love with Shane.  I honestly would have waited my entire life for him.  I would have even kept myself away from hugging boys before because that could only lead to mixed up hormonal feelings.  He is everything that I feel that God intended for me.

Since he doesn't go to church some might ask how I can feel this strongly and how I can be so willing to follow a Godly plan without him professing his strength or belief in God.  Here are my beliefs....

I believe that God will only bless me as I attempt to purify my heart and soul.  I believe that by showing Shane God's love and by trying to be a demure bride (hee hee hee for those of you that know me demure is probably the last word in the dictionary that you would use to describe me) that he will come to a realization that church and God are not what he thinks that they are.  At this time I strongly believe that he is going to be willing to come to church with me and that he will choose to change his life.  I could never doubt us being meant for each other because there is no way that I could ever feel as much passion and love for someone that was not meant to be mine.